This fall. The Barnyard Boys are back! This is gonna be the heist of a lifetime. Starring Pauly the Pigeon as Peckerhead Paulsy, Charlie Chickensnitch as Cluck Norris and the Horsehead of the Apocalypse as himself. Rated R for sex and violence and drugs and animal on animal crime in the seedy underbelly of Barnyard City.
That’s the movie I would make with these sweet weird animal masks. Either that or you know, just make an ass out of myself in public, but I’ve never needed a mask for that.
This Alien Face Hugger Ski Mask is perfect for any heist where you want to rob somebody AND be impregnated down the throat by a gross and nasty alien. You heard me, put all the money in the bag. You don’t want me around when my chest explodes! *BOOM. SPLAT!* What did I tell you? Wipe that blood off your face and get on the floor. It’s snack time for baby alien. By the way, I could use a doctor after that explosive C section.
It won’t really keep you warm in the winter months, but it will keep other humans away from you. In my book, that’s a win. I ain’t anti-social. Just anti-people! That’s also why I use the Alien Face Hugger dog leash.
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These mythical creature dioramas from Etsy seller PearsonMaron are a fun way to celebrate El Chupacabra, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster. These fun and cartoony scenes make these terrifying creatures a little friendlier. I’m sure that Chupacabra is not going to suck all of the blood from that goat. He’s just gonna- Oh, who am I kidding? He is going to rip that goat a new throat-hole and then go back to the underground lab that genetically spawned him.
These creatures scare me to death. The other day I visited a petting zoo and spotted some hoof prints in the snow and I knew that either a Chupacabra or a demon was on the loose.
Those were just baby goat tracks.
Really? Then how do you explain the fact that they were FOLLOWING that baby goat from behind? I never did see it again. It’s the same way I know when a Bigfoot is following me. His tracks are always leading right TO ME. I am so close to cracking this conspiracy.
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Is it wrong that these nasty mouth coffee cups make me want to tongue my mug really good to get that last drop of coffee? I’m a sucker for a mouth that looks like it belongs to a sea hag with a serious meth problem. No, meth problem. Not math problem. She only has a math problem if she can’t count the few teeth she has.
These human mouth coffee mugs certainly look enticing. They are based on new technology that makes you vomit a little in your cup for every sip you take. A sip of coffee for a bit of sick sounds like a fair exchange to me. However that anus with a tooth known as “C” really scares me.
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Whoa! This Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella shall be my Excalibur. One land. One King. With this sword I’ll have a castle, a wizard named Merlin to help me, a beautiful lady of the lake all naked and stuff, a round table, and me and my knights will have some sweet adventures in the countryside. I won’t even have to free Excalibur from a rock.
Nah. I’ll probably just use this Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella to look super cool in or out of the rain. Keep it sheathed on my back as I do a cool-guy walk down the street. Not sure why those cops are following me. Is that guy radioing for backup? Tasers are out now. Not good. Merlin, I call on your power!
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