Category: Just Plain Weird

Miniature Wooden Alien Cow Abduction UFO Scene

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ufo cow abductionThis hand carved miniature Alien Cow Abduction scene by artist David T. Arber Jr. is the perfect toy for kids or adults who like to re-enact scenes of cow abduction. It recently sold for $112.50 on Ebay.

If only E.T. just wanted to phone home. The real world is more complicated and terrifying than that. E.T. wants to abduct humans and cows, playing strange games with their bungholes. It’s because they made a deal with our government. Their technology in exchange for being Earth’s premiere proctologists.

Now if you will excuse me, my tin foil hat is picking up some transmissions from a nearby star. I have to send a signal back. EARTH TO ET. COME IN ET. THIS BACKSIDE IS A-OKAY. NO NEED FOR AN EXAM. I REPEAT, NO NEED FOR EXAM. STAND BY FOR NEW TARGET NAME. GEORGE LUCAS. I REPEAT, GEORGE LUCAS.
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Bizarre Two Headed Mummy

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twin terrorsThis monstrosity looks like every annoying teen duo that you have ever seen at the mall, just gabbing away at each other’s faces like sugar-fueled little rottweilers barking things like “OMG”, “I know, right!”, “That was so totes brill Bethany!”, and other stupid things at each other. These terror twins just have more rotted skin and yet are less emaciated than the mall rat variety. They are also much smarter and less likely to get hit by a bus while checking a text, saying, “OMG guys! It’s from Brad!”

These two are BFFs, literally. Connected for all time. They look just as shallow as mall vermin, but they won’t run their gobs non-stop at you. It only looks like they are talking each other’s decaying heads off. Only $625 on Ebay.

One more shot below.
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Jesus And Mary As Batman And Robin

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Batman and Robin Virgin Mary and JesusLooks like Jesus and Mary like the old cosplay. Mary looks pretty sexy as Batman, but Jesus as Robin just looks like Weird Al Yankovic. This dynamic duo is hand painted and only $150. from Etsy seller mdinovo, who sells a bunch of statues that have been given a comic book or pop culture makeover.

Click through to see a Virgin Mary Darth Maul and John Rambo Jesus… John Rambo Jesus. Damn that is a sweet name. “I swear to John Rambo Jesus, if you don’t shut up-” “What in the John Rambo Jesus is going on here?”
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Your Wipe Zone Is Now Clearly Defined: The Butt Face Towel

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butt face towelWe’ve all been there. You get out of the shower and you wipe your face on your towel and for some reason it smells like butt. Eh, probably nothing. Just keep wiping. A few hours go by and you find a small constellation of hemorrhoids forming on your lower lip. Now you got butt-crud all over your face. All because someone else used your towel as dental floss for their crack.

The Butt Face towel will solve this problem. It has a clearly defined butt zone and a clearly defined face zone. Keep that butt-funk where it belongs. Only $13.27 from Amazon. Get some Butt Face soap too.

I’m Having A Crayola Coronary: Recycled Crayon Human Hearts

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crayon human heartsEtsy seller TaylorAnnArt captured our hearts with her sexy Hot Glue corset and now these crayon human hearts have captured our attention. I think she should make a triple bypass coloring book, with pages and pages of obese folk scarfing down Big Macs and downing Big Gulps.

Each heart is made from about 30 crayons. They look pretty cool. I plan on using them to keep those noisy neighbor kids away from my house. “Oh hey. Thanks for making all that noise by my window you snot-nosed mobile fetus. Do you like crayons? Oh yeah? THIS ONE was made from the heart of the last little boy who interrupted my mid-day nerd nap! Enjoy!”
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