Stop fearing the latest stuff “they” want you to fear and just embrace it. Put some Ebola in your kitchen to keep all of your E-Coli company with this Ebola Epidemic Cutting Board.
Chop, chop, chop those vegetables on this cutting board that has Ebola, Salmonella, Swine Flu, Bird Flu, Meningitis and more. Now you can tell your hypochondriac friends that everything was prepared on a cutting board riddled with bacteria and viruses. Then watch them scream and run out.
This Cyclops Skull is perfect for your desk. You could put like an 8-ball in the eye socket or give him a cool visor that turns him into Cyclops from the X-Men. Who is not a real cyclops by the way. He has two eyes. He just burns the s**t out of everything he looks at.
This bad boy is limited to 100 pieces. All with one eye socket and surprisingly well preserved teeth. Ever since he lost his eye he’s been a real sigh-clops. Ha ha ha.
Get two. Call them Jack. Put them on the top shelf. Now you have a pair of one-eyed jacks. Faces high! I slay me.
Where does a Cyclops go to get prescription lenses for his monocle? The Clop-tometrist. Ha ha ha.
Booze booze everywhere. Tired now. Sleepy time.
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This Skeleton Dog On a Leash is man’s best bony friend. Plus, he’s already been dug up from a pet cemetery and cleaned up, so you don’t have to dig all night in the moonlight.
He won’t shed, he won’t poop and he won’t bark. It’s the perfect dog for runway supermodels, since dogs always look like their owners. In this case all bones and thigh gaps everywhere.
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These Faux Fur Wine Bottle Covers are furry and soft and they’ll make you want to cuddle your wine close and cozy up with it on cold nights. Which I do anyway. Sure I could join AA, but last time I went they just talked about cars and road safety. That’s AAA you idiot! Shut up. You’re just a sponsor locked in a closet. You ready to have that drink with me, or are you going to sleep without dinner again tonight?
You get a set of 3: Snow Leopard, Possum, and Lynx.
Aaahoo! Werewolves of London! Don’t wait for a full moon to get a Werewolf rug like this one. I don’t know about you, but I am in no shape to be chasing a Werewolf down anyway. Plus, I’m fresh out of silver bullets. Why do you need a gun to fire a silver bullet at a Werewolf anyway?
Werewolves are all about the hunger. So all you have to do is dangle a chicken carcass in the woods and wait. I would put the silver bullet into the carcass or maybe inside of a bologna sandwich. Werewolves love them some sandwiches. Most hairy beasts do. Myself included. Once he tears into that food, he’s gonna bite the bullet and now you got yourself a new rug.
But does it change into a human rug and then back again during a full moon? Because you don’t want company over with a dead human laid out on the floor. Murder charges can’t be far behind.
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